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Why We Love Children
1 ) SHOCK I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As
I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a
first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so
she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'
4) SHRIEKS A little boy got lost at the YMCA and
found himself in the women's locker room. When he was
spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5 ) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism
report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and
continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever
needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said
as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked
my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K -9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw
a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got
back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled,
the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, 'What 'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for
the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned
and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe
this!'
8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents
dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always
gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of
his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole
and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the
Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first
week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to
her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't
let me talk!'
11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look
what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got
there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
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